Post 1 This is gonna be great! I am working on my webpage on neocities and I love this ^-^ this might finally be a way to reach out and find my niche of people I should make sure my site is perfect and ready for people to want to see and hangout at. I wonder if I can make somthing where people can post and leave messages or some kind of interactive feeds that would be interesting might take awhile to look into.. im already busy with alot of other things and projects.. mmmm okay back burner for now!

Post 2 Another day another... another what?... [insert somthing here] oh i know! im just bored i do alot and somwhow im still bored. What exactly is it im wanting? im not sure u-u lol.. face.

Post 3 just got back from a wedding it was nice tho i was a bit jelous of the turn out. alot of people showed up which i know i shouldnt be jelous but i dont think that anyone would show up for my funeral or my wedding.

Post 4 I just got delivered a package after a week of waiting, i thought was odd it took a long time to get here considering it was only supposed to come from like 3 states away. any ways its here! my cologne has arrived ^-^ now i smell like heh, blueberries. you might be wondering.. "Why the hell would anyone want to smell like blueberries?" and to that i say this: i picked blueberries beacues its unexpected for my demographic but its also familiar to alot of people including me, its also a very playful scent and not overly serious like most male scents are and ontop of that it is also what i imagine "hypnodica" smells like. lol.

Post 5 im feeling discouraged, i cant seem to figure out what resonates with people and the algorithm i see my feed on social media and i see problems that i try and make soloutions too (like taperot) or make new things that are cool (my art) or useful (nyan ripper) but i cant seem to make anything that really lands with anyone :/ on to the next idea i suppose

Post 6 tonight i tried somthing new, i tried hot cheetos.. mac and cheese.. not a nice meal like you may be imagining but like a microwave cup you might find at a gas station and yeah it taste about as radioactive as it sounds the flavor was litirally red 40 and all the worst parts of the sensation "spicey" would not get again -10/10 i feel stupid after eating it, like genuinely dumber, like thinking is harder after i volentarly ate poison. *whomp whomp :p*

Post 7 not really sure what i want out of life but at this point im not getting it where im at. i feel like i need to just go somwhere else. i dont really know where, it all feels so huge and im not sure what i want or what i need. id like to get some recognition for my art and creative works but i think ultimately thats just me needing to be seen. i dont know where i can go for that but a journy starts with an idea and then a first step and i take that first step tomorrow.

Post 8 so for everyone who dosent know.. the real reason i got into music was beacues i was scared of going deaf. iv always gotten really bad ear infections and each time it is extreamly painful and always takes some of my hearing with it each time. i was and still am terrified of having my hearing and then losing it i am scared on one day not hearing the birds, the wind or somone telling me they love me. right now im almost fully deaf in my right ear and it makes me dizzy and off balance some times. i dont want to lose my ability to listen to music sometimes it feels like the only thing that pulls me back up from depressive episodes.. thats why i got into music at all i thought id use it before id lose it and in many ways learning music has allowed me to hear so much more than i ever would have if i never tried.. im still left angry and afraid.. why? why does this have to exsist.. i am feeling helpless. and when i feel helpless i useually try and reach for anything that gives me control i might have to just try and see what i can do to help this... idk i feel lost.

Post 9 just a long week long travels and i need to get some rest in :p

Post 10 im thinking about that time my therapist made me take "the big 5 personality test" it stuck out to me a bit beacues every time i feel down and low it comes to mind that i tested low for "self efficacy"